Ocean
by NoSaviour
Summary: Because that one time he listened to her, the rivers stopped flowing into the ocean… As their relationship deepened, so did their insecurities. One-shot.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto.

**Ocean**: Because that one time he listened to her, the rivers stopped flowing into the ocean… As their relationship deepened, so did their insecurities. One-shot.

* * *

**Ocean**

* * *

"How did we end up like this, Sasuke?" Biting her thumb, she waited anxiously for a reply, though she already knew his response.

Nothing, zero, silence.

Impatiently eyeing the tiny particles of rock cemented together, she tensed for any sound. Beside her, something flickered, and her head snapped toward him in anger.

"I told you smoking is bad!"

He blew a puff of smoke to her face, but despite himself, he coughed violently. Smoking was never his thing.

. . .

"_Oh my gosh! I love him so much!" Her eyes glittered from the television glow, wholly immersed in some celebrity on the screen._

_Beside her, he was sitting down, with his arm around the sofa lazily. Just an inch closer, and he could touch her back, her shoulder… But he fought the urge (because he wasn't sure if he could control himself for what he'd desire after), and instead, he snorted._

"_I heard he smokes."_

"_So? With someone as strong as he is, a couple of cigarettes wouldn't ruin his health!" She worked in a hospital, and health was one of her top priorities._

. . .

He fidgeted with the cigarette in his hands, and after a weary sigh, he shoved it against the hard ground. There went the light.

"Saku –" He drawled out slow and tentatively, masking his face from worry and panic, but he was abruptly cut off.

"Maybe!" She was looking at him, fierce and determined. He raised his eyebrows in response.

"Maybe we should…"

She never finished, because saying it aloud hurt too much. Once they had been lovers, but now… what were they? Should they break up instead of meaninglessly clinging onto this relationship?

. . .

_A strong shot of fury fired in him, but he couldn't calm down – he _wouldn't._ She had been hurt, and they had to pay. His whole body trembled dangerously, aching to pay them back twice, no, thrice, no, a thousand times the pain. _

_His arm swooped in the air, preparing for the final, deathly strike, when all of a sudden, he was enveloped in something warm._

_It was her._

"_Sa-sasuke…" _

_Tears were dribbling down her face, and a pang of panic ran through him. She was crying… was her grief due to them or due to him?_

"_Please, stop."_

_And so, he did, and after that, it was like a deep bond formed between them – secretive and strong. They sensed each others' feelings, and though without the formalities, they became closer than friends, closer than teammates._

. . .

They sat in the silence for what seemed like days, when it was only an hour. Time tended to do that; it played a trick on them. Whenever they were with each other, it was like every second was a long, outstretched hour.

Finally, she broke the silence, for that was her role. She always broke it, and never him, which was one of the things that greatly frustrated her.

"Sasuke?"

He lifted his eyes to hers, achingly slow in doing so, just to buy some more time before she dropped the bomb.

"I think, maybe," there was still hesitance in her voice. "Maybe you should leave."

He was prepared, yet it was still quick and swift, faster than his Chidori, yet sharper than any attack he had mastered. Her words stung him to the core.

. . .

"_Sasuke, don't leave!" She whined like a child, reaching and pulling the end of his shirt._

"_I'm just going to get some fruits. I thought you said you wanted some apples."_

"_Huh… Yeah, yeah I did." She looked up dazedly. "Why do I feel so –"_

_And then she fell back down onto the hospital bed, and panic and worry sliced through him. He was sure she had been okay. _

_No, deep inside, he knew she had been too weary to stay conscious and talk to him, yet that was what she had done. To be conscious so she can spend more time with him._

_As he watched her face relax to sleep, he whispered, "Sakura, I will never leave you."_

_There was a pause, because there were always an "if."_

"_If I were to leave, for whatever reason, you will be the only one who will be able to stop me." Gently, his hand hovered over her cheek, though not really touching her. No, he was too scared to disrupt her fragility. _

"_I promise."_

. . .

His silent vow emerged in his heart and mind repeatedly, like a barrage of reminders screaming at him to voice it aloud, to _tell _her of this special promise.

"Sasuke?" There were creases of worry on her face, but upon seeing a distant look, frustration (of much, much deflated hope) shot in her. "Are you even listening to me?"

His mind was still screaming out to tell her, to tell her he would do whatever for her, even if that meant leaving, but that she could also _stop_ him.

For her, he was still distant and silent as ever, and though that was only a thin veil, she couldn't notice because she was too caught up in panic herself.

'_Oh, God,'_ Her head felt dizzy with fright and a realization she fiercely denied. _'We were never lovers from the start. How could I have been so stupid?'_

. . .

"_Sasuke?" They were sitting on the rooftop, feeling the chilly night air around them, but the stars shone brightly and the cold was forgotten._

_She had been anxious, silently gripping for some kind of answer to a question that had been haunting her for so long._

"_Sasuke, what are we?"_

_He continued to gaze at the white sparkles on the black sky, and then, ever so slowly, so delicately, he turned to her and a smile bloomed in his face._

_It was a small smile, barely perceptible, but a smile nonetheless._

. . .

Sakura's heart shook tremulously, anger and grief and desperation welling up in her heart._ 'He had never given me the answer that day!' _Her eyes became glassy, but after a few blinks, her threatening tears dissolved away.

"Sasuke?" Her breathing may have been erratic, and she desperately hoped it was not. She had to be cold for this, she had to be strong.

"You should leave."

Pain stabbed his heart to inflict more pain, like a chain of incessant hurting, because hearing those words once almost killed him. Hearing them again choked him and tortured him in the worst way possible.

… to the point that he felt a fierce surge of something behind his eyes – tears.

Abruptly, he got up and paced away, without looking back, because, oh, he wanted to, so badly, but…. She wanted to be freed, so he couldn't be seen crying. She was far too compassionate, and if she saw his tears, saw the way he hurt, she might take back her words, not for herself, but for _him_, out of pity.

. . .

"_Stop training, Sasuke!" It seemed like she was always yelling, always the one to try to continue their relationship. Instead of training, for example, they could be going on dates. _

"_Hn." He acknowledged her, but made no move to stop. He kept on training, and a trickle of worry flowed in her, like a river making its way to somewhere, only to find an ocean of more worry, more disappointment._

_She knew he loved training, but sometimes, she wished he could just listen to her._

. . .

When he was far gone, the man who had been beside her but a speck on the far distance now, and finally, she allowed her tears to fall.

'_Sasuke!'_ Her heart yelled out accusingly. _'You never listened to me!'_

. . .

"_Don't." Her voice was firm and determined, cleverly hiding away her anxiety and worry._

"_I have to, it's my job."_

"_But does it have to be an S-class mission?"_

"_It's what I'm capable of."_

_She knew he was, but still, she couldn't help but worry and throw her tantrum like a child. "What if you get killed? Don't you know how high the statistics are, even for a skilled shinobi like you?"_

"_Sakura, it's my job."_

_Her name on his lips always made her heart flutter, and she sighed in defeat. The next day, he had left for the mission._

_She was left wondering if he would ever listen to her._

. . .

"Hah!" The laughter came out too quick, and too, too bitter.

Suddenly feeling the chilly air, she grumbled with powerful sadness, "You never listen to me, Sasuke."

There was a long pause, and she tasted the saltiness of her tears, new droplets flowing from her, again and again.

"But, why?" Her voice was tremulous, and those soft, silent tears threatened to break out into loud sobbing. "Why is it that when you listen to me this once, it's to leave me?"

And then, a sharp gust of cold air breezed about her, and she knew how truly alone she was. Helplessly, she broke out into a sob.

. . .

Against his will, tears rolled down his face freely. It had been too long since the last time he had cried, and it felt too awkward, too uncomfortable for him, but most of all, too miserable and hopeless.

His idea about time had been too wrong.

Those seconds, hours, days and years spent with her seemed to be a slow crawl. Looking back, he found out it had been a mere lightning, too quick and too short compared to the long pang of sadness that churned around and around in his stomach.

He had felt it – her insecurity. Small rivers of her insecurity were secretly travelling, waiting until she was reassured, but instead, she had found that vast ocean. He found it too – the both of them ended in the miserable sea of pain.

He had tried to show her he cared, but it seemed that he had tried in all the wrong ways. In the end, his feelings had never reached her…

. . .

What had gone wrong?

She knew he had been trying to express himself, but she had been too impatient. Perhaps that was it. She was rushing him to the point that he saw no need to try for her, anymore.

She couldn't help but it was her fault. She hadn't meant for him to leave, and then a thought struck her, rather like a faraway beacon in the darkness, except she realized now that the blinding streak of hope had not been out of her reach.

It had always been within her.

Abruptly, without giving her a mind to think, but instead letting her _heart_ act, she ran and ran, quickly out of breath.

She could do this. She could make this right.

. . .

He stopped walking. He was already far enough from her, and his tears were dry from the wild wind. He thought of her rivers of insecurity, and the ocean that it ended up in.

There was always an "if."

What if those rivers had not been her insecurity? What if they had been merely the building blocks of their relationship, and now their current bond had been blocked by a jagged rock, unable to trickle further, in search of something…

But their rivers were strong, and they would find some way, however tiny, to get past those rocks, to finally end up in that vast ocean, the ocean of their love.

Heartbeats accelerated wildly, and quickly charging chakra to his feet, he leapt off to retrace his steps and go back to her.

. . .

"Sakura!" "Sasuke!"

Their names were spoken in unison.

They caught for breath, but even when their body calmed (though their hearts did not), that same rock of silence landed between them.

This time, they will try.

She had always longed for him to reassure her that he loves her, but she realized she had not confessed her feelings herself.

It was an unspoken secret, because they both felt that because they felt each others' feelings, they saw no need to voice it aloud.

Voicing aloud may not change anything, but it would be a step to show each other how much they care.

Softly, in a gentle tone, in between the calming winds, they eyed each other and they saw "love."

Sometimes, even when you can tell, you still had to say it aloud.

"I love you, Sakura." He broke the silence first, surprising her, because she was just about to say that, but he had said it first.

It had always been her who had broken the silence.

She smiled, so genuine and reassured, and she almost spoke it like a melody.

"I love you, too."

. . .

Their relationship had not changed much after that. They still pleaded, they still fought, and they still gazed at the stars.

But they had finally reached their ocean, and still, the streams of their love and relationship continued to trickle down to add to the vast, rich sea.

* * *

**Notes**: I hope you enjoyed this. It was certainly fun to write, though the laptop screen is hurting my eyes now... Reviews are greatly appreciated. Thank you!


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